devil girl

I feel Weird

Well i still feel weird, i can't sleep, i can't get her out of my head, though i know nothing will come of it, i can't explain the way i feel, it's like i'm in some sort of coma, it's not so much sadness, more disappointment ! a bloke my age should know better, than acting like a starry eyed kid. I just feel so hurt , it was more than a quick shag, it WAS more than that, i really don't know how to feel . shows what a inexperienced prat i am.
devil girl

I never Learn

Last week i took a certain girl out who i'm not going to name, and we a really good time.anyway she came back to my place , we watched a film had something to eat, a few drinks,then it was getting late and i thought she would want to get home . But, she started to fall asleep on my lap and one thing lead to another and we ended up sleeping together, now being the twat i am i thought it was something special, i knew we would'nt end up going out or that, but we might see each other now and again, my friends warned me she could end up blanking me, and yep ! this weekend i bump into her and i got small wave and that was that. i know i'm a stupid old sod, and i did'nt expect hearts and flowers. BUT IT DID HURT ! and i should have known better, but it shows how inexperienced i am.
i'm sitting here on my own and i don't know how to feel about this !
devil girl

Sad day .

I got home tonight after having a good time with my family wondering where my little pet dwarf hamster was, as she's normally up and about if i get home late. but there was no sign of her and i feared the worst ! so i opened up her little house to find her barely breathing and knew what was coming, took her out and held her in my hands, and about half an hour ago she died. i know this will seem pathetic to a lot of people but yep ! i did cry like a kid , a grown man over a little hamster , but i had her all through the time i was ill and she was the only company i had . STUPID I KNOW . her name was SNITCH and i'll miss her .
  • Current Mood
    sad sad
devil girl

Women !

Well, this week was a strange one, i was going to take the barmaid out from local pub this week , as i had already taken her out the week before and we had a good time. well after waiting three fucking hours she appears and says " I don't feel like going out tonight bye " and that was that, then the next day she texts me say's she's sorry and we could go out for the day. well , she did'nt know what she wanted to do any thing i suggested she just shrugged her shoulders, she said she was'nt bothered and just sort of moped, then she spent the rest of the day making it quite clear she did'nt want to go out with me , and i said that's ok , then she started saying she does'nt keep in touch, or anything and again i said fine.then she proceeded to tell me that i'm to nice and women prefer blokes to be a bit of a bastard ! WELL I'M FUCKED i can't win either way !
devil girl

I DID IT

well ,yesterday i did it ! I'VE CHANGED MY NAME ! i went to the solicitors with dave and i am now offically JAMES.T.KIRK !. This is going to take some getting use to, and i've still got to tell my family yet,that's going to be fun,NOT ! so as i've allways wanted to say it- BEAM ME UP SCOTTY !
  • Current Mood
    indescribable indescribable
devil girl

Sorry !

i'm doing this as a apology to dave and leeann, i.ve been a miserable fucker lately and they done there best to cheer me up ! and i've started to realise that i could start to lose my friends at this rate. and that i don't won't . as i count the pair of them very close to me,they've done more to get me out and over my mothers death than anyone. so i will try . it's just i get so lonely and even when i'm out i feel i'm on the outside looking in! everyones been really friendly to me , all the people they introduce me to have been really nice . it's just at the moment i've never felt so alone and i don't see a end to it.i know this is'nt the most cheerful journal but it is here to say what you feel . if anyone has any ideas what i could do PLEASE LET ME KNOW. it would be nice to go out and not have to be the one on his own looking at all the couples. mum and dad if you read this please don't give up on me i will try ! .